An Introvert’s Guide to Socializing

What’s your idea of a perfect Saturday night? A cozy, intimate dinner at home with close friends? Or a big, stimulating event full of new faces? If you’re down for staying in, you may be an introvert.

What does that mean? Well, introverts are typically more focused on their internal thoughts and feelings. They expend energy when spending time with others. And may feel drained after being around large groups of people. Extroverts, on the other hand, gain energy from social situations.

To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with being an introvert. It’s extremely common and normal. In fact, as many as 75% of people identify as introverts.

Plus, it’s not all or nothing. You can think of introversion and extroversion as a single personality trait that exists on a spectrum. Total introversion is on one end. Total extroversion is on the other. Most of us have personality traits and display behaviors that fall somewhere in between. We just typically lean more heavily in one direction than the other.

Still, being more introverted can make some social situations difficult to navigate. You may find yourself avoiding plans because they’re too exhausting. Then you end up feeling left out, lonely, or isolated. And that’s no fun.

So keep reading. We’ll help you help you better understand what it means to be an introvert. And then we’ll share tips to help you navigate social situations without getting wiped out.

Signs you’re an introvert

Introverts tend to be quiet and introspective. But they’re not necessarily shy or socially anxious. And let’s bust the myth that they don’t like people!

“Most introverts enjoy being social from time to time, especially in 1-on-1 settings with close friends or family,” says Kelli McElhinny, LCSW, AbleTo Clinical Content Producer. “But they may need more time to recharge when they have a lot of social commitments at once. Or if they have to interact with people they don’t know well.”

Here are some common signs you’re an introvert:

• Socializing is draining. You likely feel spent after being in a large crowd or noisy environment with new people. Or, you get an “introvert hangover.” This is the fatigue that follows socializing too much without having enough alone time to recharge.
• You feel most comfortable on your own. Sure, introverts can enjoy going out and being social. But they most enjoy the peace and quiet that comes with being alone. If reading, taking a walk, or gardening solo is your idea of fun, you might be an introvert.
• You enjoy working independently. Introverts tend to be focused, creative, and productive when they work solo. If you’re more introverted, you may enjoy collaborating with others, as long as you get some time alone afterwards.
• People describe you as shy or quiet. Introverts tend to be internally focused. But that’s not necessarily the same thing as being shy. You might just prefer to spend time reflecting on your feelings and experiences.
• You have a small, close group of friends. Introverts aren’t anti-social. They’re selectively social. Given a choice, you may prefer a movie night with your closest friend over going to a birthday bash with 20 acquaintances.

How to successfully socialize as an introvert

If you identify with the introvert traits above, you don’t have to abandon socializing.

“The key is knowing how to take care of yourself,” says McElhinny. Give a few of these tips a try.

• Prep before events. Both mentally and physically. Consider this example. You’re planning to attend a networking event for your job. And your boss expects you to make small talk for several hours. To shore up energy, clear your calendar beforehand. Then spend that time in a calm, familiar place.
• Rest after events. Introverts need time to restore their energy after social engagements. Make plenty of time and space to rest after a taxing outing. Leave empty slots in your calendar between events.
• Be selective. Saying “no thanks” to social and work invitations can be hard. You don’t want to disappoint the people you care about. But a jam-packed calendar leaves little time and energy for you to show up for yourself. Be thoughtful with what you say yes to.
• Recharge your batteries. Allow yourself to step away from a social situation if you get overstimulated. Feeling drained at a dinner party? Excuse yourself to step outside. Or, go to the restroom. You can even offer to help in the kitchen to get a break.
• Plan your hot topics. Making small talk with a stranger doesn’t come easy for everyone. Take comfort in the fact that it’s not just you. Having a few conversation starters at the ready can help make it feel a little less awkward. Choose subjects that you enjoy talking about. Or keep a mental list of go-to questions. For instance, “Where did you grow up?” Or, “How do you know [insert name]?”
• Connect socializing with a goal. Are you looking to make new friends? Network for your career? Meet a romantic partner? Maybe you want to try a new hobby. Setting a goal can help you find a greater purpose in social activities. And you may end up enjoying them more.
• Stick with a buddy. Sometimes you just don’t have energy for “peopling.” If so, bring along a more extroverted friend. They can help carry the conversation when you’re feeling spent.

Live your best introvert life

We’re not here to turn introverts into extroverts. Introverts are typically creative, analytical, thoughtful people. They can cultivate meaningful, long-lasting relationships just like extroverts.

But, we get it. It can be tough to make your way in an extroverted world that demands we constantly give so much of ourselves. Both emotionally and physically.

To live your best introvert life, go easy on yourself. Find social outlets that feel right for you. And always remember to make plenty of space for downtime.